a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
