I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
