question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
