I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
