you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
