she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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