I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
