Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
