I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As shirtless as possible
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
