All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
