The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
the raccoons are back...
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