i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
last night I used snow as a chaser
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
