I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
