we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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