tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
