I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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