How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
