Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize