Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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