So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
