Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
