dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
