i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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