Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
