White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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