Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Randomize
