Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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