I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
