i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
