Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
