Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
