she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
