I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
