Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
is it fun? or sober?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
