you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
