Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize