if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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