remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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