So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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