p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
