I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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