he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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