Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
