He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
