There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
