We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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