you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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