it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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