Slut skills are useful in every country.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
