well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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