your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
