Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
