No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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