ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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