How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
