apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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