I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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