wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
