it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
