What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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