just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
