its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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