u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
