also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
