I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
