How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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