So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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