I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
