he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
