Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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