Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I canโt believe I made out with a flat earther and didnโt know about it until now!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
