The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
