he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
