if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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