Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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