And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
