Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
