A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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