im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
