She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
